Oh well. At least for me it is, it's a new beginning all together..
New year, new surrounding, new house, new challenges!
I've been sooo pre-occupied the past months it's taken me only this time to put something on my blog.
Ever since we moved house, it took us only just a week or two ago to finally sort out our broadband connection.
I never realised our moving house would take so much of our time, our energy and our minds. And i couldn't begin to say how it affected so many people and has changed so many situations i wouldn't know where to start.
But thank God we've overcomed. Truly, nothing is ever permanent in this world but change. And if you're not ready to let go and face the situation, nothing good will ever come out of it. I'm not speaking for myself though. I love where I am now. I enjoy my private time, oversleeping in my bed, lazily spending time in our newly bought couch and watching cheesy movies in our tv. But most of all, i love my precious moments alone with God, freely worshipping Him in my own time. I love that i could just go outside the house and do window shopping. Or ride the bus for 10-15 minutes and discover I'm in the heart of the city. Or go to work spending just 25 minutes of travel instead of 90. I love Camden and its shops and its atmosphere, it's so very London. But most of all, i love it that God made a way for His work to start in our place. We now have a weekly gathering every thursday in our converted mini- pad room.
I mean, God has His ways of blessing His children. And i'm just thankful for He blessed us in so many ways. This one being one of them.
And what's more, Dad finally decided to move out and end the relationship and stay with us in the flat. So, we've all spent our first Christmas together this year and of course this new year's as well.
Lately, i just stand amazed at what God is doing in my life and my family's. He's answering every prayer and proving to me what a Big GOD He is! I mean, there's still a lot of prayers i need to wait answers to but i can wait. All in God's time....
I'm just grateful that everytime i thought I'm beginning to lose it, He keeps proving me wrong!
Wednesday 26 December 2007
Friday 12 October 2007
It's been a while... Then have a peek at my past journal entries
Yeah, it's been a while.
I really haven't had the chance to update my blog for the past months (my, my! i can't believe it's been months already). Oh well....
Well, i've been preoccupied with so many things... ministry, work and so many more.. although, there's so much to say about what's happened, i could never sum it all. but all i can say is, God has been working and is working still. And I'm just privileged and blessed to be a part of it.
....
Anyway, i was sorting out my stuff the other day and i came upon my personal journal of written thoughts and songs and i browsed through it and was intrigued at what i've written in the past. I got saved July of 2003 and as I read, I'm amazed at how God is changing me from glory to glory. And so i also wanted to put it here on my blog.. Hope you will also be blessed!
THE SPONGE (Written July 08, 2004, a year after I got saved)
Have you ever felt so down and so heavy you seem to have lost it sometimes? I know I have. Just recently, I felt as if I've been squeezed out, worn out and utterly tired out of my mind. And what's worse, that was what I was feeling spiritually. From the outside, no one had a clue what I was going through. And deep within, I knew I still had the connection to God, but somehow, I can't get through the line. Maybe because there was no signal..... FROM ME...
I don't know! I felt so tired of the environment I live in, sick of hearing the same things over and over again. I felt so overused and exposed. Nothing I hear or say ever sinks in. It felt too much for me, I can't hardly breathe. But then, even though I felt that way, I kept on believing I'd get over it one day.
Then one time, just as we were having our Wednesday devotion, I was moved by a force to finally open up and reveal what I was feeling inside. Our topic was about encouragement but I felt it touched openness too. For it made me realise that if I keep on nursing these feelings, I might just end up in ditch. Besides, these are the people I share the bathroom with everyday. Who else should I turn to? I mean, spiritually, why should I keep digging my grave?
So as I tearfully recounted the things I've felt, the thoughts I've kept, there seemed to be a release of sorts. Suddenly, I was carrying a lighter load. But there was still something there, an excess baggage. Then as I was tasked to close our devotion with a prayer, the Lord spoke to me in pictures.
I saw a sponge, all dried up and alone. Then a hand took the sponge, dipped it in a clean water which washed away the dirt, and squeezed it just enough to still have some water in it, put some washing liquid and used it again. I didn't know what the Lord wanted to say to me at first.
Then I realised, that could be me. I was the sponge! In my worship to God, I allowed myself to be squeezed out and dried up. Like a sponge when it's been dried up, if you use it to wipe away the dirt, it will just gather them on the surface that even if you puff it out, the dirt won't go away. That was me. Spiritually, I was dried up and worn out. Because I was tired of the situation, I was harbouring inside the negative aspects of what I was hearing and seeing. I was gathering the dirt. The pores to my understanding were blocked out that no amount of teaching would come in.
But then the Lord wanted to tell me that I could be made clean. If I humble down, learn to open up and understand, then all the sins that I've made will be washed away. For by His Son, Jesus Christ, we have all been saved when He died on the cross for our sins. He is the Living water. And through Him, can we be made clean. When I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I have been redeemed. And so, when I feel as though I have lost that connection, all I need to do is to go back again. Go back to His words and dip myself in the Living water and be cleansed. In doing so, I am opening to God's love.
I now realise that whenever I feel burdened, heavy or tired, all I have to do is freshen up! Be a sponge. Open up and absorb God's love. Don't squeeze yourself to dry, to get rid of things you want to get rid off. It won't. For God will never allow you to. Instead, open up and allow God to squeeze you up just right and just enough to absorb His love.
My prayer in moments like these:
LORD, DON'T LET ME DRY UP
Through Your Son, Jesus Christ, renew me again and refill me with Your Holy Spirit.
Lord, squeeze me just right, that I might be soaked in Your love.
AMEN...
-------------------------------------------------------------
(next journal)
BIG CHANGES (written January 28, 2005)
These past few days, I have been contemplating on how I have come to change so gradually in all aspects of my life. Physically, I can feel I'm getting older (not that I am old). I mean, I'm not as fit as I used to (I do splits and kicks before since I do aiki-jitsu. he he!), my knee joints sometimes click with sudden movements. I also feel as though I have to constantly keep watch of what I eat. Not that I'm strict on diet, anyway (I just can't help it. I love my pack of bueno or a bag of sensations balsamic & vinegar flavor.. (-:)
I've also noticed some sad changes! I say sad because it makes me remember how sometimes work can be so depressing. Sometimes the job takes its toll and your inexperience leaves a mark. And the pain on your back, just don't seem to go away. Everyday tube or bus ride is your nap time as you can't keep your eyes from dropping off every time you get yourself in a comfortable position. Sometimes you wonder where you get your strength from. But then, that's another story...
Emotionally, I have overcome my struggles. My longing and sense of comfort have been kept at a distance. The comfortee has become the comforter. Suddenly, I'm in charge! And I can say I've handled it quite well.. My insensitivity have been thrown, awkwardness and pride put on aside leaving just a pure and heartfelt intent. I'm not saying I've grown to be a saint but I understand things better now and why they happen. I used to not let my emotions take control but now I've grown more mature at how I react to things. Suddenly, I don't just think of my needs. In fact, I think of my needs less and I feel happy doing so. Well, sometimes you still can't resist to treat yourself with lame excuses but who ever said you'd be perfect.
Mentally, I've become more wiser. Yes, wiser! I sometimes feel I've aged to leaps and bounds! Things are so clear to me now. My understanding seems to be so simple and right-in-your-face. Why don't people get it? Don't they know all the answers to their questions are written in the bible? If only people would look at the bible as if it's their diary or their self-help meditation books. Not some traditional memento, or you know? the 'not-for-me-just-for-the-oldies' kind of reasoning, or the 'so-boring-i-couldn't-keep-my-eyes-open' excuses. Man, how lame!
And spiritually, well... this is where it all started. If I haven't changed spiritually, I would have been a completely different person. You see, it affected every area of my life. Having Jesus in your heart and accepting Him as your Saviour, your Lord and Friend makes a big difference. This is where it begins and it's where it happens. You don't get to change overnight. Your willingness to accept His words and live His words are the barometers to change. You undergo the Refiner's fire until you may well be fit enough to shine like gold. You undergo struggles and persecutions but as you do, you tend to be more stronger and bolder to move on, to speak and take action.
What else can I say....
SUDDEN THOUGHTS...... (July 2003 to JANUARY 30, 2005)
Lessons I've learned in my walk with God (well, as of date written above)
1. Salvation... the only way
2. God's words are painful but it heals.
3. In Him, you find peace that passes ALL understanding
4. Give more of you, think less of your needs & think more of others
5. Contentment is the key
6. The gift of sacrifice - having the burden
7. Prayers can go where no man has ever gone
8. How far can I go? How much am i willing to take? (Patience!!)
9. Commitment
10. SUBMISSION - the big word!
11. For worship to be worship, it has to come with a price...
and more....
------------
GOD BLESS!
I really haven't had the chance to update my blog for the past months (my, my! i can't believe it's been months already). Oh well....
Well, i've been preoccupied with so many things... ministry, work and so many more.. although, there's so much to say about what's happened, i could never sum it all. but all i can say is, God has been working and is working still. And I'm just privileged and blessed to be a part of it.
....
Anyway, i was sorting out my stuff the other day and i came upon my personal journal of written thoughts and songs and i browsed through it and was intrigued at what i've written in the past. I got saved July of 2003 and as I read, I'm amazed at how God is changing me from glory to glory. And so i also wanted to put it here on my blog.. Hope you will also be blessed!
THE SPONGE (Written July 08, 2004, a year after I got saved)
Have you ever felt so down and so heavy you seem to have lost it sometimes? I know I have. Just recently, I felt as if I've been squeezed out, worn out and utterly tired out of my mind. And what's worse, that was what I was feeling spiritually. From the outside, no one had a clue what I was going through. And deep within, I knew I still had the connection to God, but somehow, I can't get through the line. Maybe because there was no signal..... FROM ME...
I don't know! I felt so tired of the environment I live in, sick of hearing the same things over and over again. I felt so overused and exposed. Nothing I hear or say ever sinks in. It felt too much for me, I can't hardly breathe. But then, even though I felt that way, I kept on believing I'd get over it one day.
Then one time, just as we were having our Wednesday devotion, I was moved by a force to finally open up and reveal what I was feeling inside. Our topic was about encouragement but I felt it touched openness too. For it made me realise that if I keep on nursing these feelings, I might just end up in ditch. Besides, these are the people I share the bathroom with everyday. Who else should I turn to? I mean, spiritually, why should I keep digging my grave?
So as I tearfully recounted the things I've felt, the thoughts I've kept, there seemed to be a release of sorts. Suddenly, I was carrying a lighter load. But there was still something there, an excess baggage. Then as I was tasked to close our devotion with a prayer, the Lord spoke to me in pictures.
I saw a sponge, all dried up and alone. Then a hand took the sponge, dipped it in a clean water which washed away the dirt, and squeezed it just enough to still have some water in it, put some washing liquid and used it again. I didn't know what the Lord wanted to say to me at first.
Then I realised, that could be me. I was the sponge! In my worship to God, I allowed myself to be squeezed out and dried up. Like a sponge when it's been dried up, if you use it to wipe away the dirt, it will just gather them on the surface that even if you puff it out, the dirt won't go away. That was me. Spiritually, I was dried up and worn out. Because I was tired of the situation, I was harbouring inside the negative aspects of what I was hearing and seeing. I was gathering the dirt. The pores to my understanding were blocked out that no amount of teaching would come in.
But then the Lord wanted to tell me that I could be made clean. If I humble down, learn to open up and understand, then all the sins that I've made will be washed away. For by His Son, Jesus Christ, we have all been saved when He died on the cross for our sins. He is the Living water. And through Him, can we be made clean. When I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I have been redeemed. And so, when I feel as though I have lost that connection, all I need to do is to go back again. Go back to His words and dip myself in the Living water and be cleansed. In doing so, I am opening to God's love.
I now realise that whenever I feel burdened, heavy or tired, all I have to do is freshen up! Be a sponge. Open up and absorb God's love. Don't squeeze yourself to dry, to get rid of things you want to get rid off. It won't. For God will never allow you to. Instead, open up and allow God to squeeze you up just right and just enough to absorb His love.
My prayer in moments like these:
LORD, DON'T LET ME DRY UP
Through Your Son, Jesus Christ, renew me again and refill me with Your Holy Spirit.
Lord, squeeze me just right, that I might be soaked in Your love.
AMEN...
-------------------------------------------------------------
(next journal)
BIG CHANGES (written January 28, 2005)
These past few days, I have been contemplating on how I have come to change so gradually in all aspects of my life. Physically, I can feel I'm getting older (not that I am old). I mean, I'm not as fit as I used to (I do splits and kicks before since I do aiki-jitsu. he he!), my knee joints sometimes click with sudden movements. I also feel as though I have to constantly keep watch of what I eat. Not that I'm strict on diet, anyway (I just can't help it. I love my pack of bueno or a bag of sensations balsamic & vinegar flavor.. (-:)
I've also noticed some sad changes! I say sad because it makes me remember how sometimes work can be so depressing. Sometimes the job takes its toll and your inexperience leaves a mark. And the pain on your back, just don't seem to go away. Everyday tube or bus ride is your nap time as you can't keep your eyes from dropping off every time you get yourself in a comfortable position. Sometimes you wonder where you get your strength from. But then, that's another story...
Emotionally, I have overcome my struggles. My longing and sense of comfort have been kept at a distance. The comfortee has become the comforter. Suddenly, I'm in charge! And I can say I've handled it quite well.. My insensitivity have been thrown, awkwardness and pride put on aside leaving just a pure and heartfelt intent. I'm not saying I've grown to be a saint but I understand things better now and why they happen. I used to not let my emotions take control but now I've grown more mature at how I react to things. Suddenly, I don't just think of my needs. In fact, I think of my needs less and I feel happy doing so. Well, sometimes you still can't resist to treat yourself with lame excuses but who ever said you'd be perfect.
Mentally, I've become more wiser. Yes, wiser! I sometimes feel I've aged to leaps and bounds! Things are so clear to me now. My understanding seems to be so simple and right-in-your-face. Why don't people get it? Don't they know all the answers to their questions are written in the bible? If only people would look at the bible as if it's their diary or their self-help meditation books. Not some traditional memento, or you know? the 'not-for-me-just-for-the-oldies' kind of reasoning, or the 'so-boring-i-couldn't-keep-my-eyes-open' excuses. Man, how lame!
And spiritually, well... this is where it all started. If I haven't changed spiritually, I would have been a completely different person. You see, it affected every area of my life. Having Jesus in your heart and accepting Him as your Saviour, your Lord and Friend makes a big difference. This is where it begins and it's where it happens. You don't get to change overnight. Your willingness to accept His words and live His words are the barometers to change. You undergo the Refiner's fire until you may well be fit enough to shine like gold. You undergo struggles and persecutions but as you do, you tend to be more stronger and bolder to move on, to speak and take action.
What else can I say....
SUDDEN THOUGHTS...... (July 2003 to JANUARY 30, 2005)
Lessons I've learned in my walk with God (well, as of date written above)
1. Salvation... the only way
2. God's words are painful but it heals.
3. In Him, you find peace that passes ALL understanding
4. Give more of you, think less of your needs & think more of others
5. Contentment is the key
6. The gift of sacrifice - having the burden
7. Prayers can go where no man has ever gone
8. How far can I go? How much am i willing to take? (Patience!!)
9. Commitment
10. SUBMISSION - the big word!
11. For worship to be worship, it has to come with a price...
and more....
------------
GOD BLESS!
Tuesday 26 June 2007
Of living rocks and pebbles....
-----------
Hope you enjoy this video I made from our trip in Kent!
-----------
(For stories and experiences, please read article below...)
---------------
LIVING ROCKS AND PEBBLES?
Last weekend, June 23 & 24, we had the privilege of going outside London for a seaside fellowship in All Hallows, Kent. Booked ahead of time, we managed to reserve two caravans for our weekend outing.
Although, most of us couldn't make it, we still went on with the activity since it was scheduled ahead of time and the caravans have already been booked. Besides, we rarely have this opportunity to go out of London as a group anyway, so minority or majority aside, the show must go on.
So off we went by batch. We were the first to go followed by another batch. It only took us an hour or so to reach the place. Thanks to Mr. Navi (the navigator), we reached the place the quickest possible way. The weather was great! We were all eager to unload our bags and head off to the sea. Hanniel & Esther even wanted to change into their swimming outfits already. But then we had to wait for the rest of the group. Besides, we haven't eaten lunch yet and they have our lunch (a savoury feast of adobo and veggie salad compliments of the chef, Sister Fhely. (-: yummm!)
So when they did come after an hour, we ate lunch then excitedly headed off to sea.
It was low tide so there were no waters to see at the sea (it rhymes. he he!)
What we found were hideous rocks and pebbles. Thus, the title. The scenery was magnificent. Makes me stand in awe of God's creation. The skies were so blue and the vastness of the sea was incredible. We were literally standing on the seabed (well, quite) and around us were these rocks and puddles of water. Then Aunty Helen said we could start picking oysters and crabs. We didn't know where to start so we just followed her around. Only to find out that the oysters were actually the small rocks that we see and ignoringly pass by. While on the bigger rocks, once you flip them open; crabs, big or small, start to crawl out, it was amazing! It was a joy watching them (i was taking the video) pick up oysters as they figure out which one's an oyster and which one's just a rock. But it was much funnier seeing them try to catch a crab with their bare hands. I'm telling you those crabs don't go down without a fight. They don't have those claws for nothing. (Watch the video and you'll see one geronimo crab fighting for his life. He he!)
Anyway, aside from oysters and crabs and other sea creatures we found; we also had fun picking up pebbles. They come in different types, sizes, color and form. I manage to pick some interesting rocks and pebbles (see the picture below).
Maybe if we stayed longer, we could have found some diamonds or pearls. You never know. LOL!
But anyway, my point really is, we've learned a lesson from this experience alone. Just take a look at the sea when all the waters subside. In the naked eye, the oysters looked like dead rocks. Black and not very pretty. But when you take a closer look, there's life inside those rocks. It becomes food and serves as nourishment to physical bodies. Just like us, we were once dead and unpleasing. But when God found us, He picks us up, cleanses us and makes us realise there us life through Him. A life that has its purpose. Which brings me to my next topic.
That of faith and repentance..
Well, although it seems we were there for the fun and pleasure, our main objective was to do God's will above everything else. We went out of our common dwellings and headed to this place to have a fellowship. Now before I go on, what do I mean by fellowship anyway? In its New Testament sense, fellowship is an inner unity expressed outwardly. It is not just being together but doing together. It is not just doing anything together but it is working together to accomplish God’s will.
And one of that was for the baptism of our brethren.
You know what? Whenever I hear or witness someone submitting to water baptism, I could not help but shed a tear of joy. It means, they are willing to submit their lives to Christ. Baptism in itself is repentance. It is an act, done by faith to show repentance of our sins. In the bible, it is a command. "How do we enter the kingdom of heaven?" Someone asked Jesus and He replied, "you have to be born again, born of water and of spirit". Jesus Himself was baptised. He did so to fulfill all righteousness. That is, he lead an example for us to follow. There are a lot of scriptures about baptism and I don't have to go into details. What matters is we do it as our act of true repentance and humility, by faith. I like how Romans 6 describes it.
Paul says this of baptism, "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."
I have friends who were asking me my views about baptism and all I can say is I did it so I may be right with God. I didn't know a lot about God's words then but when I heard the gospel about baptism, I just wanted to obey. Jesus did it Himself 'to fulfill all righteousness',how much more for me, who's just a mere man? Some friends didn't want to be baptised thinking they're not worthy or they're not yet ready. And I just wonder, when is the right time? When do we know it's right? The gospel says no man is worthy, not even one on the face of the earth. Therefore "Blessed is the man who believes and obeys even without seeing."
That is what faith is all about....
Although there are more things I could share about our trip to Kent, like our bonding moment on Saturday night or our morning service with the IGO UK group on Sunday or the indoor activities we had on Sunday (cause it was raining), for me what I've talked about is what touched me the most. And so i just wanted to share it with all of you.
These experiences are once in a lifetime. Moments I treasure and keep. And i pray that you experience it too.
God bless you!
Hope you enjoy this video I made from our trip in Kent!
-----------
(For stories and experiences, please read article below...)
---------------
LIVING ROCKS AND PEBBLES?
Last weekend, June 23 & 24, we had the privilege of going outside London for a seaside fellowship in All Hallows, Kent. Booked ahead of time, we managed to reserve two caravans for our weekend outing.
Although, most of us couldn't make it, we still went on with the activity since it was scheduled ahead of time and the caravans have already been booked. Besides, we rarely have this opportunity to go out of London as a group anyway, so minority or majority aside, the show must go on.
So off we went by batch. We were the first to go followed by another batch. It only took us an hour or so to reach the place. Thanks to Mr. Navi (the navigator), we reached the place the quickest possible way. The weather was great! We were all eager to unload our bags and head off to the sea. Hanniel & Esther even wanted to change into their swimming outfits already. But then we had to wait for the rest of the group. Besides, we haven't eaten lunch yet and they have our lunch (a savoury feast of adobo and veggie salad compliments of the chef, Sister Fhely. (-: yummm!)
So when they did come after an hour, we ate lunch then excitedly headed off to sea.
It was low tide so there were no waters to see at the sea (it rhymes. he he!)
What we found were hideous rocks and pebbles. Thus, the title. The scenery was magnificent. Makes me stand in awe of God's creation. The skies were so blue and the vastness of the sea was incredible. We were literally standing on the seabed (well, quite) and around us were these rocks and puddles of water. Then Aunty Helen said we could start picking oysters and crabs. We didn't know where to start so we just followed her around. Only to find out that the oysters were actually the small rocks that we see and ignoringly pass by. While on the bigger rocks, once you flip them open; crabs, big or small, start to crawl out, it was amazing! It was a joy watching them (i was taking the video) pick up oysters as they figure out which one's an oyster and which one's just a rock. But it was much funnier seeing them try to catch a crab with their bare hands. I'm telling you those crabs don't go down without a fight. They don't have those claws for nothing. (Watch the video and you'll see one geronimo crab fighting for his life. He he!)
Anyway, aside from oysters and crabs and other sea creatures we found; we also had fun picking up pebbles. They come in different types, sizes, color and form. I manage to pick some interesting rocks and pebbles (see the picture below).
Maybe if we stayed longer, we could have found some diamonds or pearls. You never know. LOL!
But anyway, my point really is, we've learned a lesson from this experience alone. Just take a look at the sea when all the waters subside. In the naked eye, the oysters looked like dead rocks. Black and not very pretty. But when you take a closer look, there's life inside those rocks. It becomes food and serves as nourishment to physical bodies. Just like us, we were once dead and unpleasing. But when God found us, He picks us up, cleanses us and makes us realise there us life through Him. A life that has its purpose. Which brings me to my next topic.
That of faith and repentance..
Well, although it seems we were there for the fun and pleasure, our main objective was to do God's will above everything else. We went out of our common dwellings and headed to this place to have a fellowship. Now before I go on, what do I mean by fellowship anyway? In its New Testament sense, fellowship is an inner unity expressed outwardly. It is not just being together but doing together. It is not just doing anything together but it is working together to accomplish God’s will.
And one of that was for the baptism of our brethren.
You know what? Whenever I hear or witness someone submitting to water baptism, I could not help but shed a tear of joy. It means, they are willing to submit their lives to Christ. Baptism in itself is repentance. It is an act, done by faith to show repentance of our sins. In the bible, it is a command. "How do we enter the kingdom of heaven?" Someone asked Jesus and He replied, "you have to be born again, born of water and of spirit". Jesus Himself was baptised. He did so to fulfill all righteousness. That is, he lead an example for us to follow. There are a lot of scriptures about baptism and I don't have to go into details. What matters is we do it as our act of true repentance and humility, by faith. I like how Romans 6 describes it.
Paul says this of baptism, "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."
I have friends who were asking me my views about baptism and all I can say is I did it so I may be right with God. I didn't know a lot about God's words then but when I heard the gospel about baptism, I just wanted to obey. Jesus did it Himself 'to fulfill all righteousness',how much more for me, who's just a mere man? Some friends didn't want to be baptised thinking they're not worthy or they're not yet ready. And I just wonder, when is the right time? When do we know it's right? The gospel says no man is worthy, not even one on the face of the earth. Therefore "Blessed is the man who believes and obeys even without seeing."
That is what faith is all about....
Although there are more things I could share about our trip to Kent, like our bonding moment on Saturday night or our morning service with the IGO UK group on Sunday or the indoor activities we had on Sunday (cause it was raining), for me what I've talked about is what touched me the most. And so i just wanted to share it with all of you.
These experiences are once in a lifetime. Moments I treasure and keep. And i pray that you experience it too.
God bless you!
Sunday 17 June 2007
Guitar lessons, snakes & ladders & pasta bake - This is my week so far
I know it's quite a long title but it sums up what has occupied my week.
Well, aside from my regular weekly activities, these are my highlights for this week.
I thought i'd have some spare time last tuesday in the afternoon to do some shopping for stuff that i'd send home to the Philippines (cause my sister will be going home for a month this coming July) but then i had to cancel that when i received a call from Connie.
It appears her employers are looking for someone to teach their daughters some guitar lessons to fill up the kids' weekly schedule. And Tuesday being only their free time, she asked me if i'd be free to come and have guitar sessions with them.
Well of course who wouldn't say yes. Music is my passion and guitar has been my first instrument. So, postponing some shopping which is a girl's-favourite-past-time (sometimes) is not a bad choice.
So i quickly went to a music shop and bought a beginner's guide and bought a notebook where they can write their notes on then went to the place (which is a blessing as it is very close to my morning job).
I didn't quite know what to expect. Connie highly recommended me to her employers and I wasn't sure i'd live up to their expectations. it's not as if i'm a pro at this, you know. yes, i've learned to play the guitar when i was 12 but i haven't professionally gone to a school or something. For me, i play music by ear.
Well anyway, i went and everything turned out fine. The kids had a blast and they enjoyed the very first song we tried to learn which is 'somewhere over the rainbow' (inspired from the song that this 6 year old girl named Connie (again) sang in Britain's Got talent TV show - she's sooooo cute!)
So now I guess, my week's full now. My Tuesday afternoon's taken but i couldn't have hoped for a better way to spend it.
-------------
From there, i had to spend the night at pastor's place. Cause the day after, Wednesday, we'll be going for a mission trip to Devon and back on the same day. What used to be a 5-6 hour drive turned out to be 3 1/2-4 hours because of less traffic and pit stops. Our drive was smooth sailing and along the road, we played snakes and ladders where the winner has the right to sleep. We didn't have that much sleep the night before and slept really late that night waiting for Shawnee who will be coming from Walthamstow. Now i'm not saying we're not allowed to sleep or anything like that. We have the choice but it's up to you. We have this term in Ilokano which is 'makirikna' meaning being considerate of others. Pastor Melchor is also our driver and we know he lacked sleep and is tired from previous dates and appointments. Which is why the last thing he'll be needing is to see or hear someone snoring or relaxing in the car. So, what's ideal would be for one person to sleep at the back end while the others have to keep the driver awake. (-: LOL!
Well it turned out no one slept anyway. We're just too considerate and caring people you know? (clap clap! he he!) And besides we enjoyed each other's company (there were 4 of us who went with pastor, my 1st cousin april & her boyfriend paul, my 2nd or 3rd cousin-shawnee & there's me). Being related in a way has its advantages. I'm just glad i get to do this mission trips with family. Praise God!
Oh and before i forget, we had a funny experience when we reached the place. Well we had lunch and we were preparing to start the bible study when Martha thought she'd drop by the bank first which was just 5 minutes away. So, off she goes down. Funny thing however was, when she tried to open the first door of the house, she couldn't. It turned out it can only be opened from the outside. Their new housemate unknowingly double locked the door on her way out to work. WE WERE TRAPPED! So, there we were, looking for ways to open the door. Then the guys thought they had an idea (really?). Yes, they thought they could do a superman act and jump from the window (i'm not kidding). 'It's not that high' said kuya Lawrence, who tried it first. So then he went out from the window and stood on the ledge. However, that's as far as he went. Then Pastor had a go at it as well. He even practised jumping up and down before going out from the window and standing on the ledge. We were, like, asking him not to, you know? I mean, come on, he'll be driving afterwards, what if something happens to him? (you're probably saying, hey where's the faith, man? i know. i know. however, we're just looking after pastor, you know.. he he!). Well anyway, he didn't jump. We were all relieved. Then again, they thought they could do a pole act. You know, grab a pole, then someone will hold on to one end and hang on to it while slowly going down and the other person will hold the other end from the window. Well, I thought that was scarier than the first suggestion.
But thank God! someone came around. Maybe, God was laughing so hard while looking at us, He finally decided to send some help. (-:
I'm telling you, it was so funny. It may not be so back at that time but now that i look back at it, man, was it hilarious. And what was us girls doing, you may ask? Uhmmn, we were on the other window looking out getting ready to scream for help in case someone passes by. Well,.... we were ... just ... being girls, you know. (-:
------------
FATHER'S DAY - JUNE 17, 2007
This is a special day.... And i knew i had to do something again for our Father's Day special. Since a year or so ago, we've been organising surpises for special occassions. As much as we can manage, we tried to make every event special. And not only has it brought us closer together, it made us more of a family towards one another. However this Sunday i didn't have that many help. Each one had some place they had to go to and something they have to do.
Which is why i was probably at my busiest this day. I woke up 6 in the morning, created and edited the video special (which you can see on my youtube account) for 4 hours. Then proceeded to Tesco to buy the groceries for our dinner in church afterwards. I bought ingredients for pasta bake (the only recipe i'm really good at), chicken wings and green salad. Went home, prepared and cooked them all (thanks to Sherill who was around to help me out to prepare the chicken wings). Then i managed to take a shower. Prepare the instruments and used our mini 4WD (Baby Georiel's push chair) to transport some of the instruments to church (which is a short distance away from our house, praise God! for that).
Then i managed to play the piano and worship in my private time. My song at the moment is Dwelling places, it just makes me wanna cry out all my love to God. Shawnee did come shortly afterwards to help carry out the rest of the instruments. Then kuya Roy came and so we practised Shawnee's lineup. Then April came then kuya Jerryson and Erlinda came. Then before we knew it, the service has begun.
It was a blessing. The message was crystal clear and direct. Just what we needed and every bit of our worship service was encouraging. Our prayers are not in vain. Renewal and revival has begun. As long as we keep the flame burning, no one can stop us from moving forward.
Which is my reason for writing this blog. I'm inspired and I want to do more. I'm just starting and I know God has more plans for me and my ministry.
All in all, this is just one of those weeks for me. The only difference is, i get to write it.
Oh and to top it all off, everyone enjoyed my pasta bake. Someone even said it was professionally done. I was so proud, my ears were clapping. He he!
So, just so you know, in case you're badly in need of a good ole pasta, you know where to reach me. He he!
That's all folks! God bless ya ol!
---
The Father's Day video special:
Well, aside from my regular weekly activities, these are my highlights for this week.
I thought i'd have some spare time last tuesday in the afternoon to do some shopping for stuff that i'd send home to the Philippines (cause my sister will be going home for a month this coming July) but then i had to cancel that when i received a call from Connie.
It appears her employers are looking for someone to teach their daughters some guitar lessons to fill up the kids' weekly schedule. And Tuesday being only their free time, she asked me if i'd be free to come and have guitar sessions with them.
Well of course who wouldn't say yes. Music is my passion and guitar has been my first instrument. So, postponing some shopping which is a girl's-favourite-past-time (sometimes) is not a bad choice.
So i quickly went to a music shop and bought a beginner's guide and bought a notebook where they can write their notes on then went to the place (which is a blessing as it is very close to my morning job).
I didn't quite know what to expect. Connie highly recommended me to her employers and I wasn't sure i'd live up to their expectations. it's not as if i'm a pro at this, you know. yes, i've learned to play the guitar when i was 12 but i haven't professionally gone to a school or something. For me, i play music by ear.
Well anyway, i went and everything turned out fine. The kids had a blast and they enjoyed the very first song we tried to learn which is 'somewhere over the rainbow' (inspired from the song that this 6 year old girl named Connie (again) sang in Britain's Got talent TV show - she's sooooo cute!)
So now I guess, my week's full now. My Tuesday afternoon's taken but i couldn't have hoped for a better way to spend it.
-------------
From there, i had to spend the night at pastor's place. Cause the day after, Wednesday, we'll be going for a mission trip to Devon and back on the same day. What used to be a 5-6 hour drive turned out to be 3 1/2-4 hours because of less traffic and pit stops. Our drive was smooth sailing and along the road, we played snakes and ladders where the winner has the right to sleep. We didn't have that much sleep the night before and slept really late that night waiting for Shawnee who will be coming from Walthamstow. Now i'm not saying we're not allowed to sleep or anything like that. We have the choice but it's up to you. We have this term in Ilokano which is 'makirikna' meaning being considerate of others. Pastor Melchor is also our driver and we know he lacked sleep and is tired from previous dates and appointments. Which is why the last thing he'll be needing is to see or hear someone snoring or relaxing in the car. So, what's ideal would be for one person to sleep at the back end while the others have to keep the driver awake. (-: LOL!
Well it turned out no one slept anyway. We're just too considerate and caring people you know? (clap clap! he he!) And besides we enjoyed each other's company (there were 4 of us who went with pastor, my 1st cousin april & her boyfriend paul, my 2nd or 3rd cousin-shawnee & there's me). Being related in a way has its advantages. I'm just glad i get to do this mission trips with family. Praise God!
Oh and before i forget, we had a funny experience when we reached the place. Well we had lunch and we were preparing to start the bible study when Martha thought she'd drop by the bank first which was just 5 minutes away. So, off she goes down. Funny thing however was, when she tried to open the first door of the house, she couldn't. It turned out it can only be opened from the outside. Their new housemate unknowingly double locked the door on her way out to work. WE WERE TRAPPED! So, there we were, looking for ways to open the door. Then the guys thought they had an idea (really?). Yes, they thought they could do a superman act and jump from the window (i'm not kidding). 'It's not that high' said kuya Lawrence, who tried it first. So then he went out from the window and stood on the ledge. However, that's as far as he went. Then Pastor had a go at it as well. He even practised jumping up and down before going out from the window and standing on the ledge. We were, like, asking him not to, you know? I mean, come on, he'll be driving afterwards, what if something happens to him? (you're probably saying, hey where's the faith, man? i know. i know. however, we're just looking after pastor, you know.. he he!). Well anyway, he didn't jump. We were all relieved. Then again, they thought they could do a pole act. You know, grab a pole, then someone will hold on to one end and hang on to it while slowly going down and the other person will hold the other end from the window. Well, I thought that was scarier than the first suggestion.
But thank God! someone came around. Maybe, God was laughing so hard while looking at us, He finally decided to send some help. (-:
I'm telling you, it was so funny. It may not be so back at that time but now that i look back at it, man, was it hilarious. And what was us girls doing, you may ask? Uhmmn, we were on the other window looking out getting ready to scream for help in case someone passes by. Well,.... we were ... just ... being girls, you know. (-:
------------
FATHER'S DAY - JUNE 17, 2007
This is a special day.... And i knew i had to do something again for our Father's Day special. Since a year or so ago, we've been organising surpises for special occassions. As much as we can manage, we tried to make every event special. And not only has it brought us closer together, it made us more of a family towards one another. However this Sunday i didn't have that many help. Each one had some place they had to go to and something they have to do.
Which is why i was probably at my busiest this day. I woke up 6 in the morning, created and edited the video special (which you can see on my youtube account) for 4 hours. Then proceeded to Tesco to buy the groceries for our dinner in church afterwards. I bought ingredients for pasta bake (the only recipe i'm really good at), chicken wings and green salad. Went home, prepared and cooked them all (thanks to Sherill who was around to help me out to prepare the chicken wings). Then i managed to take a shower. Prepare the instruments and used our mini 4WD (Baby Georiel's push chair) to transport some of the instruments to church (which is a short distance away from our house, praise God! for that).
Then i managed to play the piano and worship in my private time. My song at the moment is Dwelling places, it just makes me wanna cry out all my love to God. Shawnee did come shortly afterwards to help carry out the rest of the instruments. Then kuya Roy came and so we practised Shawnee's lineup. Then April came then kuya Jerryson and Erlinda came. Then before we knew it, the service has begun.
It was a blessing. The message was crystal clear and direct. Just what we needed and every bit of our worship service was encouraging. Our prayers are not in vain. Renewal and revival has begun. As long as we keep the flame burning, no one can stop us from moving forward.
Which is my reason for writing this blog. I'm inspired and I want to do more. I'm just starting and I know God has more plans for me and my ministry.
All in all, this is just one of those weeks for me. The only difference is, i get to write it.
Oh and to top it all off, everyone enjoyed my pasta bake. Someone even said it was professionally done. I was so proud, my ears were clapping. He he!
So, just so you know, in case you're badly in need of a good ole pasta, you know where to reach me. He he!
That's all folks! God bless ya ol!
---
The Father's Day video special:
Friday 8 June 2007
Martha or Mary?
Lately, I've been reading a book by Tommy Tenney (titled Chasing God, serving man) and I am so getting where he's coming from. Definitely it's what we need today. Not only in our churches and congregations but also to each of us, as individual bodies of Christ.
In church, it's true that we have to make accomodations for both man and God. Mary was always on her knees before the Lord while Martha was busy serving in the kitchen. Now some would probably say Mary loved Jesus best. However, while it's true that Mary set a supreme example of loving worship when she broke her costly alabaster box to anoint Jesus, is it not possible that Martha's staying up all night in the kitchen to prepare the last supper be considered as worship as well? Can "burning heart" service be "broken-willed" worship?
"Words from Tommy Tenney"
If we ever want our churches to have a visitation from God, we have to learn how to host the Holy Ghost. Meaning, we have to make accomodations for both man and God. Not only must Mary worship His divinity, but Martha must host His humanity. Every church house should have both Marys and Marthas. No segregation here! Both must be allowed to thrive. There must be a mutual appreciation. The dual nature of Jesus presents the perfect model for us. He was entertained and hosted in both realms. Christ our head is at the right hand of the Father, but His body, the Church present and the Church future, lives on earth in physical bodies. For centuries, church leaders have searched for ways to make people fall in love with the church. The ultimate quest is for God and man to get together.
But although the Lord honors and appreciates our "Martha ministry" to humanity, our eternal destiny culminates in an everlasting "Mary ministry" to Divinity. As any pastor will quickly confirm, the Marthas in the typical local church are usually wondering, "Why in the world doesn't that Mary get over here and help me in this kitchen? If she wants to be so spiritual, then she needs to drag herself over here and help me feed these hungry folk and clothe the naked. If she was really all that spiritual, she would get up off the floor and stop all that boo-hooing and crying long enough to do something that really helps hurting people."
The Marys in the church are saying to themselves, "I wish 'that Martha' would just forget about all that cooking. She should know that when you're spiritual, you don't have to eat. What she needs is some old-fashioned 'praying through' time in God's presence. That would take care of her unspiritual devotion to the works of her hands."
But the truth is that it takes both ministries to build a Bethany, a house of balanced passion and compassion. Mary and Martha, it is time to come together and create a place of hospitality where Divinity and humanity can meet.
So let us keep chasing God while serving man.
In church, it's true that we have to make accomodations for both man and God. Mary was always on her knees before the Lord while Martha was busy serving in the kitchen. Now some would probably say Mary loved Jesus best. However, while it's true that Mary set a supreme example of loving worship when she broke her costly alabaster box to anoint Jesus, is it not possible that Martha's staying up all night in the kitchen to prepare the last supper be considered as worship as well? Can "burning heart" service be "broken-willed" worship?
"Words from Tommy Tenney"
If we ever want our churches to have a visitation from God, we have to learn how to host the Holy Ghost. Meaning, we have to make accomodations for both man and God. Not only must Mary worship His divinity, but Martha must host His humanity. Every church house should have both Marys and Marthas. No segregation here! Both must be allowed to thrive. There must be a mutual appreciation. The dual nature of Jesus presents the perfect model for us. He was entertained and hosted in both realms. Christ our head is at the right hand of the Father, but His body, the Church present and the Church future, lives on earth in physical bodies. For centuries, church leaders have searched for ways to make people fall in love with the church. The ultimate quest is for God and man to get together.
But although the Lord honors and appreciates our "Martha ministry" to humanity, our eternal destiny culminates in an everlasting "Mary ministry" to Divinity. As any pastor will quickly confirm, the Marthas in the typical local church are usually wondering, "Why in the world doesn't that Mary get over here and help me in this kitchen? If she wants to be so spiritual, then she needs to drag herself over here and help me feed these hungry folk and clothe the naked. If she was really all that spiritual, she would get up off the floor and stop all that boo-hooing and crying long enough to do something that really helps hurting people."
The Marys in the church are saying to themselves, "I wish 'that Martha' would just forget about all that cooking. She should know that when you're spiritual, you don't have to eat. What she needs is some old-fashioned 'praying through' time in God's presence. That would take care of her unspiritual devotion to the works of her hands."
But the truth is that it takes both ministries to build a Bethany, a house of balanced passion and compassion. Mary and Martha, it is time to come together and create a place of hospitality where Divinity and humanity can meet.
So let us keep chasing God while serving man.
Tuesday 5 June 2007
Song To My Parents
(I have been listening to Keith Green lately and this song just struck me. Keith's songs are just so honest and real. And this one in particular speaks so true of my heart and i believe, it is so with those of us who came to know Jesus first before their parents)
I need to say these things cause, I love you so,
And I'm sorry you get angry when I say that, you just don't know,
But there's a Heaven waiting for you and me.
I know it seems every time we talk I'm only trying to just make you see.
And it's only that I care, I really only want just to see you there.
Please try and overlook my human side,
I know I'm such a bad example and you know I'm so full of pride.
But Jesus isn't like that, now He's perfect all the way,
I guess that's why we need him, cause by ourselves, there's just no way.
And it's only that I care, I really, really only just want to see you there.
To see you there.
We just want to see you there dads and moms....
I need to say these things cause, I love you so,
And I'm sorry you get angry when I say that, you just don't know,
But there's a Heaven waiting for you and me.
I know it seems every time we talk I'm only trying to just make you see.
And it's only that I care, I really only want just to see you there.
Please try and overlook my human side,
I know I'm such a bad example and you know I'm so full of pride.
But Jesus isn't like that, now He's perfect all the way,
I guess that's why we need him, cause by ourselves, there's just no way.
And it's only that I care, I really, really only just want to see you there.
To see you there.
We just want to see you there dads and moms....
Monday 28 May 2007
.. Of true hearts and real passions...
First... of true hearts..
- Sunday (May 27, 2007) -
This Sunday, I was assigned to lead praise and worship at church. So I prayed and sought for God's voice. And all week long, the messages that I've come across has been all about openness and honesty. The signs were everywhere. The newspaper i read, the movie i watch, the conversation i overhear. Literally, everywhere. And so, I tried to reflect on what God was trying to say.
Personally, the message was for me. I'm not an open book to be honest so for a start, openness has to begin from me. So point taken, i took it upon myself to try to be more open about my true emotions, my fears and inhibitions.
But what about honesty in worship. Sometimes, we make mistakes of following a pattern or having a standard in leading worship. Does it need to end in a certain way? On a high note? Will the songs lead the people to worship? We tend to complicate things more instead of just going back to basics. We forget that what matters is what's inside the heart.
I believe that God wants us to be open and true. What's really inside your heart. Are you hurting, broken and contrite? David always pours out his heart to God. He would cry about his enemies. About his failures. But in the end, he glorifies God and worships God for His faithfulness. And that's what should come out when we worship. Our openness and honesty when coming in the presence of the King. In humility, give ourselves openly and thankfully praising God for His mercy and grace.
Second.. Of REAL PASSIONS!
Bank Holiday - May 28, 2007
This monday, Pastor Melchor scheduled a congregational whole day prayer and fasting. So, those of us who could make it gathered together at St. Stephen's Church to pray and seek God. God said, "If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and heal their land."
Truly, we needed to seek God. All month of April, I've always had this longing to seek God more. I even told my friend and cousin, Shawnee if we could start something, even with just the two of us, to do something in order to seek God through prayer. Cause honestly, during the past weeks, we've all been busy going to outreaches, doing this and that activity that I felt, Yes we were busy with the kingdom but not with the King.
Also, I've noticed that seats are slowly vacated every Sunday and the people who used to come hasn't been coming anymore. What's happening? Sometimes, even our church services seemed heavy. There's really that need. God is speaking to us. SEEK ME MORE!
So this Monday, I believed we finally came together. Like the families who helped Nehemiah build the wall, we came united in prayer. We sought God on our knees. Cried till we have no more tears and interceded like never before. Yes, INTERCEDE!
Truly, we need to keep the fire burning. Cause when the burden is gone, the passion starts to fade. And what's left? A heart that's void of passion for the lost and hurting.
And this is just a start. I know God will do more great things as long as we keep on seeking Him and Him alone.
.............
The following song is my own composition that was inspired from the book of Gwen Shaw about prayer and intercession (Teach me to weep)
TEACH ME TO CRY
(C) 2005
Here I am, Lord on my knees
Listen to my pleas
As I pray on behalf
Of those who are in need of Your mercy,
Forgiveness and peace
The lost and the sinner
The poor and the weak
Chorus:
Teach me to cry and weep
Teach me to pray, oh Lord and intercede
I'll cry and weep
Let my heart be broken
Bruised and broken
Let my heart be contrite
Oh have mercy, Lord
Draw us close to You
Bridge:
Grant us, Lord Your mercy
And lead us by Your grace
Touch our hearts and soul
That we might see You face to face
.............
- Sunday (May 27, 2007) -
This Sunday, I was assigned to lead praise and worship at church. So I prayed and sought for God's voice. And all week long, the messages that I've come across has been all about openness and honesty. The signs were everywhere. The newspaper i read, the movie i watch, the conversation i overhear. Literally, everywhere. And so, I tried to reflect on what God was trying to say.
Personally, the message was for me. I'm not an open book to be honest so for a start, openness has to begin from me. So point taken, i took it upon myself to try to be more open about my true emotions, my fears and inhibitions.
But what about honesty in worship. Sometimes, we make mistakes of following a pattern or having a standard in leading worship. Does it need to end in a certain way? On a high note? Will the songs lead the people to worship? We tend to complicate things more instead of just going back to basics. We forget that what matters is what's inside the heart.
I believe that God wants us to be open and true. What's really inside your heart. Are you hurting, broken and contrite? David always pours out his heart to God. He would cry about his enemies. About his failures. But in the end, he glorifies God and worships God for His faithfulness. And that's what should come out when we worship. Our openness and honesty when coming in the presence of the King. In humility, give ourselves openly and thankfully praising God for His mercy and grace.
Second.. Of REAL PASSIONS!
Bank Holiday - May 28, 2007
This monday, Pastor Melchor scheduled a congregational whole day prayer and fasting. So, those of us who could make it gathered together at St. Stephen's Church to pray and seek God. God said, "If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and heal their land."
Truly, we needed to seek God. All month of April, I've always had this longing to seek God more. I even told my friend and cousin, Shawnee if we could start something, even with just the two of us, to do something in order to seek God through prayer. Cause honestly, during the past weeks, we've all been busy going to outreaches, doing this and that activity that I felt, Yes we were busy with the kingdom but not with the King.
Also, I've noticed that seats are slowly vacated every Sunday and the people who used to come hasn't been coming anymore. What's happening? Sometimes, even our church services seemed heavy. There's really that need. God is speaking to us. SEEK ME MORE!
So this Monday, I believed we finally came together. Like the families who helped Nehemiah build the wall, we came united in prayer. We sought God on our knees. Cried till we have no more tears and interceded like never before. Yes, INTERCEDE!
Truly, we need to keep the fire burning. Cause when the burden is gone, the passion starts to fade. And what's left? A heart that's void of passion for the lost and hurting.
And this is just a start. I know God will do more great things as long as we keep on seeking Him and Him alone.
.............
The following song is my own composition that was inspired from the book of Gwen Shaw about prayer and intercession (Teach me to weep)
TEACH ME TO CRY
(C) 2005
Here I am, Lord on my knees
Listen to my pleas
As I pray on behalf
Of those who are in need of Your mercy,
Forgiveness and peace
The lost and the sinner
The poor and the weak
Chorus:
Teach me to cry and weep
Teach me to pray, oh Lord and intercede
I'll cry and weep
Let my heart be broken
Bruised and broken
Let my heart be contrite
Oh have mercy, Lord
Draw us close to You
Bridge:
Grant us, Lord Your mercy
And lead us by Your grace
Touch our hearts and soul
That we might see You face to face
.............
Wednesday 23 May 2007
My Diary of Songs
Here's a list of some of the gospel songs I've composed throughout the years since i came to be saved. They're my heart's cry and my true voice...
HEART'S CRY/ CALLING OUT TO YOU
(Music: 1998, Lyrics: Jan 2004)
You gave everything for me
Freed all my sins and set me free
What more can I say
What more can I ask for?
When I am down You pick me up
When I am tired You lift me up
You are my comfort, and my peace
Yet still at times, I loose my way
At times I make mistakes
At times I wonder why, Lord hear my cry
Please be with me, speak to me
I need to hear Your voice in my my heart
I want to live each single day with You
So please, oh Lord
Stay with me
When I am weak then I am strong
For You're my strength
And You're my guide
Forever..
----------
Oh Lord, hear me calling
When I am crying
I seek for Your will in my life
I am longing, I am seeking
Do as You please with me
Calling out to You, seeking for Your truth
I long to hear Your voice speaking to my heart
Fill this longing in my heart
Fill this longing in my soul
Fill me with Your spirit
And Your passion from above
(Repeat)
-------------------------------
KAIBIGAN
(Music:1998, Lyrics: Jan 2004)
Kaibigan, isang tanong, isang sagot
Naniniwala ka ba?
Sa nag-iisang dakila
Hesus ang ngalan Niya
Siya lang ang kaligtasan
At ang iyong pag-asa
Kaibigan, bakit mo pinagyayabang sa iba
Ang yaman mo sa lupa
Sa langit meron ba?
Hindi ka maililigtas ng Iyong mga gawa
Pagkat Siya lamang
Ang tanging daan sa kaligtasan
At tunay na yaman
Na naghihintay sa langit
Nakahanda para lang sa iyo
Basta't sumunod ka lang
Sa utos Niya't salita
Kaibigan ko
Huwag kang liliko
Huwag na huwag kang lalayo
Kung may bagyo
Kumapit ka lamang sa Kanya
---------------------
LORD, YOU ARE MY SONG
(Music: 1996, Lyrics: Jan 2004)
Lord, You are my song
I worship You alone
For no one else compares
All of the things You've done
You have created me
In spite of my weakness You love me still
So Lord, I lift to thee
My voice and my praises
My life and my heart
And to no one else but You, Lord
All that I've ever long for
Is to be right with You, Lord
You're all I ever need
In my life forevermore
Lord, You are my song
My music and melody
You fill my life with songs
In all of my days
I will sing all my praises
To you, oh Lord
-------------------------------
IN THE SHELTER OF YOUR WINGS
Psalm 61
(January 30, 2004)
Hear my cry attend to my prayer
From the ends of the earth I will call to You
When my heart is overwhelmed
Lead me to the rock that is higher than me
For You have been a shelter for me
My strong tower from the enemy
I will trust, I will abide
In the shelter of Your wings
In the shelter of Your wings
For You, o God have heard my vows
For those who fear Your name
You have answered their pleas
So I will sing my praises to You
That I may perform my vows
HEART'S CRY/ CALLING OUT TO YOU
(Music: 1998, Lyrics: Jan 2004)
You gave everything for me
Freed all my sins and set me free
What more can I say
What more can I ask for?
When I am down You pick me up
When I am tired You lift me up
You are my comfort, and my peace
Yet still at times, I loose my way
At times I make mistakes
At times I wonder why, Lord hear my cry
Please be with me, speak to me
I need to hear Your voice in my my heart
I want to live each single day with You
So please, oh Lord
Stay with me
When I am weak then I am strong
For You're my strength
And You're my guide
Forever..
----------
Oh Lord, hear me calling
When I am crying
I seek for Your will in my life
I am longing, I am seeking
Do as You please with me
Calling out to You, seeking for Your truth
I long to hear Your voice speaking to my heart
Fill this longing in my heart
Fill this longing in my soul
Fill me with Your spirit
And Your passion from above
(Repeat)
-------------------------------
KAIBIGAN
(Music:1998, Lyrics: Jan 2004)
Kaibigan, isang tanong, isang sagot
Naniniwala ka ba?
Sa nag-iisang dakila
Hesus ang ngalan Niya
Siya lang ang kaligtasan
At ang iyong pag-asa
Kaibigan, bakit mo pinagyayabang sa iba
Ang yaman mo sa lupa
Sa langit meron ba?
Hindi ka maililigtas ng Iyong mga gawa
Pagkat Siya lamang
Ang tanging daan sa kaligtasan
At tunay na yaman
Na naghihintay sa langit
Nakahanda para lang sa iyo
Basta't sumunod ka lang
Sa utos Niya't salita
Kaibigan ko
Huwag kang liliko
Huwag na huwag kang lalayo
Kung may bagyo
Kumapit ka lamang sa Kanya
---------------------
LORD, YOU ARE MY SONG
(Music: 1996, Lyrics: Jan 2004)
Lord, You are my song
I worship You alone
For no one else compares
All of the things You've done
You have created me
In spite of my weakness You love me still
So Lord, I lift to thee
My voice and my praises
My life and my heart
And to no one else but You, Lord
All that I've ever long for
Is to be right with You, Lord
You're all I ever need
In my life forevermore
Lord, You are my song
My music and melody
You fill my life with songs
In all of my days
I will sing all my praises
To you, oh Lord
-------------------------------
IN THE SHELTER OF YOUR WINGS
Psalm 61
(January 30, 2004)
Hear my cry attend to my prayer
From the ends of the earth I will call to You
When my heart is overwhelmed
Lead me to the rock that is higher than me
For You have been a shelter for me
My strong tower from the enemy
I will trust, I will abide
In the shelter of Your wings
In the shelter of Your wings
For You, o God have heard my vows
For those who fear Your name
You have answered their pleas
So I will sing my praises to You
That I may perform my vows
My Diary of Poems (A life with Jesus)
BORN ANEW
(July 21, 2003)
I never expected this sudden change in me
Least of all, this decision to be a part of something great
I have been baptised
And i felt the Holy Spirit enveloping me in a tight embrace
Now my eyes are open
And now I see and understand things more clearly
And I have only these special people to thank for
For they have welcomed me
And accepted me with open arms
Without prejudice nor impatience
But accepted me for who I am
Now I'm a new man!
---------------------
ONE DAY AT A TIME
(December 26, 2003)
Why do I feel this way?
Who do I feel so burdened and restricted?
I thought I was getting past that stage
I thought I knew of a way to make it all better
But time and time again I feel pressured to deliver
To follow and to perfom the way they do
Oh Lord please help me to understand
Help me to overcome these struggles that I find
Give me the strength to stand through all the test of time
Be with me, Lord
And keep me within Your sight
Keep me in Your presence
In Your unfading light
Sometimes I feel I've had enough
But by Your grace I keep hanging on
I want to leave and get away from it all
But You keep pressing me on
To hold on to my faith and never let go
I know I fall short of a lot of things
And I ask for Your forgiveness
All I ever wanted is to be right with You
So lead me, Lord
As I take it step by step
One day at a time
--------------------------
MEEKNESS
(February 7, 2004)
Lord, I ask for forgiveness
Purify my actions
Lord, I should know better
I've heard Your words
And I keep being reminded on
But I stand proud
And I hear without understanding
I close my heart and pretend not to listen
So now I humble down before You
Take away all my pride
And open the eyes of my heart
Make me wise to understand
Make me humble to please You
Make me worthy to be Yours..
----------------------
PERSECUTED
(March 6, 2004)
I'm a sinner not a saint
But when they look at me they paint
A different picture in their minds
People tend to overact
They criticise without the facts
And they seem to know what it's all about
But i don't care of what they say about me
They don't know what's inside my heart
I will never compromise my faith
I will always cling to what I believe
By my sacrifice I'll be rewarded
By my faith I'll be saved
--------------------------
BLESSED
(May 11, 2004)
I feel so blessed nowadays
You've given me so much meaning in my life
And You've taught me so many things
For adding one more year to my number
I have come to terms with a lot of things
I've learned that happiness doesn't come
With pleasure or ambition or fame or fortune
It comes with knowing you are contented
And You've given me that
And I've learned that love doesn't come from shallow ground
It comes from a good and strong foundation
(July 21, 2003)
I never expected this sudden change in me
Least of all, this decision to be a part of something great
I have been baptised
And i felt the Holy Spirit enveloping me in a tight embrace
Now my eyes are open
And now I see and understand things more clearly
And I have only these special people to thank for
For they have welcomed me
And accepted me with open arms
Without prejudice nor impatience
But accepted me for who I am
Now I'm a new man!
---------------------
ONE DAY AT A TIME
(December 26, 2003)
Why do I feel this way?
Who do I feel so burdened and restricted?
I thought I was getting past that stage
I thought I knew of a way to make it all better
But time and time again I feel pressured to deliver
To follow and to perfom the way they do
Oh Lord please help me to understand
Help me to overcome these struggles that I find
Give me the strength to stand through all the test of time
Be with me, Lord
And keep me within Your sight
Keep me in Your presence
In Your unfading light
Sometimes I feel I've had enough
But by Your grace I keep hanging on
I want to leave and get away from it all
But You keep pressing me on
To hold on to my faith and never let go
I know I fall short of a lot of things
And I ask for Your forgiveness
All I ever wanted is to be right with You
So lead me, Lord
As I take it step by step
One day at a time
--------------------------
MEEKNESS
(February 7, 2004)
Lord, I ask for forgiveness
Purify my actions
Lord, I should know better
I've heard Your words
And I keep being reminded on
But I stand proud
And I hear without understanding
I close my heart and pretend not to listen
So now I humble down before You
Take away all my pride
And open the eyes of my heart
Make me wise to understand
Make me humble to please You
Make me worthy to be Yours..
----------------------
PERSECUTED
(March 6, 2004)
I'm a sinner not a saint
But when they look at me they paint
A different picture in their minds
People tend to overact
They criticise without the facts
And they seem to know what it's all about
But i don't care of what they say about me
They don't know what's inside my heart
I will never compromise my faith
I will always cling to what I believe
By my sacrifice I'll be rewarded
By my faith I'll be saved
--------------------------
BLESSED
(May 11, 2004)
I feel so blessed nowadays
You've given me so much meaning in my life
And You've taught me so many things
For adding one more year to my number
I have come to terms with a lot of things
I've learned that happiness doesn't come
With pleasure or ambition or fame or fortune
It comes with knowing you are contented
And You've given me that
And I've learned that love doesn't come from shallow ground
It comes from a good and strong foundation
My Diary of Poems ( A life without Jesus)
The following are written thoughts of mine when i was still searching.. As you can see, life was so depressing then.. I can't help but smile when i read them now. I just thought it'd be nice to put them on my blog so you can see the changes as you go along.
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF AN ORDINARY
(January 21, 2003)
Sitting here feeling wasted and useless
Wondering if there ever is a future ahead
You call this a life?
By the end of the day, I go home, watch TV and go to bed
I wake up in the morning, take a bath and go to work
Work, though sometimes busy, sometimes blurry
Is not my idea of a bright future
I live the life of an ordinary
A monotonous adventure, a boring exploit
I feel I have more to give
I feel so blessed with enormous talents
Yet so repressed in many ways
What do i do to make a difference?!?
---------------
BEING ALONE
(January 23, 2003)
I wait for the day when I am me and no one else
When i can contemplate without having to share
Just to work without having to make somebody's day
To ache without having to conceal
To feel pleasure without any reservations
For every man needs some moments of solitude
Some cloudless days free of time and space
Just free to live the moment...
----------------
FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
(January 24, 2003)
I feel her pain, I see her worries
Trapped in an unwelcome circumstance
Life has never been this agonizing
Always paranoid of the unknown
Fearful of the past haunting back...
--------------------
THE ULTIMATE GOAL
(January 25, 2003)
I wish to see the day when everything is good enough
In which I am able to give them something they can look forward to
Everyday....
Or some purpose in life
Free of anxiety and sham
It is my dream that someday
All our aims and ends are realised
--------------------
HOPES
(January 29, 2003)
I see depression in her eyes
Doors of hope closing in on her heart
The rest of the world seem to give up on her
Heedless of her merits and insensitive of here emotions
They sometimes forget her victories
But they always remember her imperfections
Never forgiving, sometimes adamant
Not giving her enough reason to make up for it
She's glum, she's feeble and she's not getting any younger
If only I could make up for all the things she hope for
If only I could give her all the importance she deserves
Make her feel special and appreciated
Make her hope for another dream
And somehow make them all come true
----------------
FEELING OF EXTREMES
(January 31, 2003)
In this line of work, you come accross two perspectives of extreme nature
At one point you are vital and necessary
The next, you are of no great concern
Yesterday I was the servant
Today, I'm the chief
Do I feel happy about it?
No!
I'd rather be treated fair, treated right
At a certain standpoint.
--------------------
NO TURNING BACK
(February 4, 2003)
My decision has been made
I would either have to spit it out or chew it in
I choose the latter
I've been through this before
But this time, there is no turning back
It's now time to put away uncertainties
And move on...
Hoping maybe, just maybe
I made the right choice
Lord, hope You are with me...
---------------------
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS
(February 5, 2003)
I stayed up late and woke up early
In bed, I kept tossing and turning
My eyes are puffy and my thoughts are on a wander
And every now and then I heave a sigh
I wait for the day
I wish I could drag the hours so I would know
So I could find peace even in defeat
So I could plan even if unrehearsed
So I could hope for better days
------------------
BEREAVEMENT
(March 23, 2003)
She is my friend, my partner at work
Born on the same day and the same year
I almost know her, her moods and her passions
Yet today, she is in deep pain
She is throbbing and sore
Crying silently and being brave
Her ordeal seems unbearable
Yet she holds on
But then she passes out
And even unconscious, her face illustrates sorrow
Yet there I am, sitting on a corner
When emotions are running high
I could never imagine her loss
I could not know how to comfort her
And i never want to know
For i pray hard it never happens to me
I would rather solve an unending puzzle
Than take a loss I could not bear
I may not be able to understand
But I will learn to feel
Even without knowing what it's like
I'd rather be that...
---------------------
A MOMENT'S VICTORY
(April 10, 2003)
It was already morning when we arrived
We were stressed out, without sleep and a bunch of nerves
When finally the time came to face the challenge
I couldn't keep my hands from shaking
I was preparing myself non-stop
But my nervousness seems to take me over
When they finally called my name
My confidence was renewed
I was myself again!
I was witty and proud and I delivered!
It was a good feeling knowing I achieved what I cam here for
Knowing I did what others could not do
In that little moment, I felt that victorious feeling
Oh how sweet it is!
--------------------
THE LAST DAY
(April 17, 2003)
I've taken all my things
Turned over my responsibilities
And removed all my files
For three years since i first started to work here
This is the hardest moment to remember
Working your last day
Punching your last time-out
And seeing and doing the usual things for the last time
They said it's harder to be left behind
Than to leave someone behind
Perhaps it is so!
But it is also hard not to live the usual routine i have come accustomed to
Not to see familiar faces I have come to love
Not to experience the joy of belonging to a group of fun and loving people
This experience has been worthwhile
I have learned more than I can imagine
And I've gained friends more than I expected
These memories I shall keep with me
Forever...
-------------------
LEAVING!
(April 30, 2003)
I've packed my bags and I've said my goodbyes
I've tried so hard to be strong
But deep inside I'm just holding on to a thin line of thread
That would keep me from breaking down in tears
I'm not a showy person, nor do I express myself in words
I keep my thoughts and my feelings to myself
Others may see that as cowardly
But I see that as my strength
And as the time draws near for me to say my final goodbye
I keep hanging on to that thread to keep me going
But it's hard looking at the eyes of my family whom I'll be leaving behind
Seeing the longing in their eyes and sadness in their hearts
I wish I could say things will be just fine
But I can't
For I don't know what's ahead of me
What's waiting for me out there?
Will i come back sooner than expected?
The question now remains..
Will I ever?!?
---------------------
ADJUSTMENT PERIOD
(May 11, 2003)
It's been over a week now since I came to this place
And it's only now that things are starting to sink in
It's such a lonely feeling when you're away from everything you love
From your family, from your friends
And from your surroundings and behaviours
you've come to be familiar with
I miss myself
I miss how I could live so carefree and funny
I miss how I could enjoy life so simply
But I am strong
I know I could look back and move on
They may treat me like some fragile glass
Someone who needs caring
But I can take care of myself
I'm stronger than what they regard me to be
---------------
A HOME DIVIDED
(May 26, 2003)
Everday is torture
There is so much silence and discomfort
Like calm enemies without any visible cause
It's a house but it's not a home
Divided into two
One in union and one by blood
Which one should make a way to make things better?
I guess no one should ever try
For it's a home that is divided
A union not blessed by Gos
A blood not nurtured by time
-------------------------------
IN BETWEEN TWO WORLDS
(June 13, 2003)
One lives with it
One condemns it
One is spotless
One finds out where the spots are
One's bigger yet so crowded
One's too small yet so full of space
One is too nice and too Godly
One is too silent and worldly
And I'm caught in between
And sometimes I feel I can't breathe
I need some air..
I need some time for myself
I need a friend...
-----------------
I'M SORRY, DAD
(July 9, 2003)
In your unknowing ways you've hurt me so many times
You're cutting me into pieces and you have no idea how
Which is why I have to leave
So things won't be complicated
You don't know me too well and I don't know you either
Sometimes you're like a stranger to me
And i know i am as well to you
It's better this way, dad
Maybe in time we'll learn to understand each other better
Learn to build our relationship more
As father and daughter
I'm sorry I'm not who you expected me to be
And i'm sorry i can't repay all the help you've given me
You're getting older and I should be more willing to understand
And i do.
But i love my mother...
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF AN ORDINARY
(January 21, 2003)
Sitting here feeling wasted and useless
Wondering if there ever is a future ahead
You call this a life?
By the end of the day, I go home, watch TV and go to bed
I wake up in the morning, take a bath and go to work
Work, though sometimes busy, sometimes blurry
Is not my idea of a bright future
I live the life of an ordinary
A monotonous adventure, a boring exploit
I feel I have more to give
I feel so blessed with enormous talents
Yet so repressed in many ways
What do i do to make a difference?!?
---------------
BEING ALONE
(January 23, 2003)
I wait for the day when I am me and no one else
When i can contemplate without having to share
Just to work without having to make somebody's day
To ache without having to conceal
To feel pleasure without any reservations
For every man needs some moments of solitude
Some cloudless days free of time and space
Just free to live the moment...
----------------
FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
(January 24, 2003)
I feel her pain, I see her worries
Trapped in an unwelcome circumstance
Life has never been this agonizing
Always paranoid of the unknown
Fearful of the past haunting back...
--------------------
THE ULTIMATE GOAL
(January 25, 2003)
I wish to see the day when everything is good enough
In which I am able to give them something they can look forward to
Everyday....
Or some purpose in life
Free of anxiety and sham
It is my dream that someday
All our aims and ends are realised
--------------------
HOPES
(January 29, 2003)
I see depression in her eyes
Doors of hope closing in on her heart
The rest of the world seem to give up on her
Heedless of her merits and insensitive of here emotions
They sometimes forget her victories
But they always remember her imperfections
Never forgiving, sometimes adamant
Not giving her enough reason to make up for it
She's glum, she's feeble and she's not getting any younger
If only I could make up for all the things she hope for
If only I could give her all the importance she deserves
Make her feel special and appreciated
Make her hope for another dream
And somehow make them all come true
----------------
FEELING OF EXTREMES
(January 31, 2003)
In this line of work, you come accross two perspectives of extreme nature
At one point you are vital and necessary
The next, you are of no great concern
Yesterday I was the servant
Today, I'm the chief
Do I feel happy about it?
No!
I'd rather be treated fair, treated right
At a certain standpoint.
--------------------
NO TURNING BACK
(February 4, 2003)
My decision has been made
I would either have to spit it out or chew it in
I choose the latter
I've been through this before
But this time, there is no turning back
It's now time to put away uncertainties
And move on...
Hoping maybe, just maybe
I made the right choice
Lord, hope You are with me...
---------------------
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS
(February 5, 2003)
I stayed up late and woke up early
In bed, I kept tossing and turning
My eyes are puffy and my thoughts are on a wander
And every now and then I heave a sigh
I wait for the day
I wish I could drag the hours so I would know
So I could find peace even in defeat
So I could plan even if unrehearsed
So I could hope for better days
------------------
BEREAVEMENT
(March 23, 2003)
She is my friend, my partner at work
Born on the same day and the same year
I almost know her, her moods and her passions
Yet today, she is in deep pain
She is throbbing and sore
Crying silently and being brave
Her ordeal seems unbearable
Yet she holds on
But then she passes out
And even unconscious, her face illustrates sorrow
Yet there I am, sitting on a corner
When emotions are running high
I could never imagine her loss
I could not know how to comfort her
And i never want to know
For i pray hard it never happens to me
I would rather solve an unending puzzle
Than take a loss I could not bear
I may not be able to understand
But I will learn to feel
Even without knowing what it's like
I'd rather be that...
---------------------
A MOMENT'S VICTORY
(April 10, 2003)
It was already morning when we arrived
We were stressed out, without sleep and a bunch of nerves
When finally the time came to face the challenge
I couldn't keep my hands from shaking
I was preparing myself non-stop
But my nervousness seems to take me over
When they finally called my name
My confidence was renewed
I was myself again!
I was witty and proud and I delivered!
It was a good feeling knowing I achieved what I cam here for
Knowing I did what others could not do
In that little moment, I felt that victorious feeling
Oh how sweet it is!
--------------------
THE LAST DAY
(April 17, 2003)
I've taken all my things
Turned over my responsibilities
And removed all my files
For three years since i first started to work here
This is the hardest moment to remember
Working your last day
Punching your last time-out
And seeing and doing the usual things for the last time
They said it's harder to be left behind
Than to leave someone behind
Perhaps it is so!
But it is also hard not to live the usual routine i have come accustomed to
Not to see familiar faces I have come to love
Not to experience the joy of belonging to a group of fun and loving people
This experience has been worthwhile
I have learned more than I can imagine
And I've gained friends more than I expected
These memories I shall keep with me
Forever...
-------------------
LEAVING!
(April 30, 2003)
I've packed my bags and I've said my goodbyes
I've tried so hard to be strong
But deep inside I'm just holding on to a thin line of thread
That would keep me from breaking down in tears
I'm not a showy person, nor do I express myself in words
I keep my thoughts and my feelings to myself
Others may see that as cowardly
But I see that as my strength
And as the time draws near for me to say my final goodbye
I keep hanging on to that thread to keep me going
But it's hard looking at the eyes of my family whom I'll be leaving behind
Seeing the longing in their eyes and sadness in their hearts
I wish I could say things will be just fine
But I can't
For I don't know what's ahead of me
What's waiting for me out there?
Will i come back sooner than expected?
The question now remains..
Will I ever?!?
---------------------
ADJUSTMENT PERIOD
(May 11, 2003)
It's been over a week now since I came to this place
And it's only now that things are starting to sink in
It's such a lonely feeling when you're away from everything you love
From your family, from your friends
And from your surroundings and behaviours
you've come to be familiar with
I miss myself
I miss how I could live so carefree and funny
I miss how I could enjoy life so simply
But I am strong
I know I could look back and move on
They may treat me like some fragile glass
Someone who needs caring
But I can take care of myself
I'm stronger than what they regard me to be
---------------
A HOME DIVIDED
(May 26, 2003)
Everday is torture
There is so much silence and discomfort
Like calm enemies without any visible cause
It's a house but it's not a home
Divided into two
One in union and one by blood
Which one should make a way to make things better?
I guess no one should ever try
For it's a home that is divided
A union not blessed by Gos
A blood not nurtured by time
-------------------------------
IN BETWEEN TWO WORLDS
(June 13, 2003)
One lives with it
One condemns it
One is spotless
One finds out where the spots are
One's bigger yet so crowded
One's too small yet so full of space
One is too nice and too Godly
One is too silent and worldly
And I'm caught in between
And sometimes I feel I can't breathe
I need some air..
I need some time for myself
I need a friend...
-----------------
I'M SORRY, DAD
(July 9, 2003)
In your unknowing ways you've hurt me so many times
You're cutting me into pieces and you have no idea how
Which is why I have to leave
So things won't be complicated
You don't know me too well and I don't know you either
Sometimes you're like a stranger to me
And i know i am as well to you
It's better this way, dad
Maybe in time we'll learn to understand each other better
Learn to build our relationship more
As father and daughter
I'm sorry I'm not who you expected me to be
And i'm sorry i can't repay all the help you've given me
You're getting older and I should be more willing to understand
And i do.
But i love my mother...
Tuesday 22 May 2007
My first post
Oh well, i thought i'd start my own blog. I've always written my thoughts on paper and never intended to share them. These past few days however, i've realised it's a form of release. So here i am, writing my past and present thoughts; my own diary of poems, of sonnets and songs..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
